Thursday, October 16, 2014

When Santa says you suck...

      So I'm running around the other day desperately trying to play catch up on errands and grocery shopping and play date planning all while dragging my toddler with me, because let's face it...they go EVERYWHERE with us! Here I am fresh in the world again after recovering from strep with my hair a hot mess rockin out leggings and boots (like the mumu of our generation that they are) with my son high on the steroids they gave him for his pneumonia and laughing at everything...

I'm pretty sure we were the walking version of what every mom fears that day.

And as I'm walking around I realize through the haze of flying cereal trying to attach itself to me and my son trying to lick random strangers (yes I said lick) that I am surrounded by not one, not two, but three...count them, THREE holiday displays. 
      A Halloween Cupcake decorating display on how to throw the best playdate for your little with the creepiest chocolatey fingers in town! A Thanksgiving Tablescape display on how to wow your guests with your savvy plate setting expertise (more on that later)! Annnnnnnd Christmas! A pint sized Santa staring at me with a half off sign begging to be bought so he can hold our guests cute little scarves when they come in the door! All of this within 2 aisles of each other!!!!!!!!! I'm fresh in the world again hoping I get the right deli sliced ham through a medically induced haze and I have this shoved at me. I have a crazy kid singing "I like that booty" at the top of his lungs and Santa staring at me disapprovingly and the only thing I can think of is

 "Where's the Nutcrackers? Can they squish my head?"
My dream and nightmare every holiday season...

     No mom should feel this behind. This early in the game. Halloween isn't even here yet. I'm still

Halloween 2013 :)
carving pumpkins and painting with apples. I'm still looking for a leaf pile to throw my kid in and a way to have Fall pictures without an actual Fall season down here in good 'ol Mississippi. I don't want to think about Tablescapes. I have all next month to freak about Thanksgiving Dinner. In fact I will do just that. Not the dinner itself because I'm awesome, and you can be to thanks to my Dinner Prep Post Here, but the people around and whether they thought it was good enough. Whether they liked my plates and my house smelled sufficiently like fall and if my kid didn't try to build a sandcastle out of mashed potatoes because that seems to be a distinct possibility this year. I have allllll next month to worry needlessly about all the things that won't go wrong about Thanksgiving, so why push that on me now. On October 15, 2014 why is it necessary? WHY?!
This is my husband's Awesome Family for our second Thanksgiving:)

     And Christmas...good 'ol Christmas. Why is Santa lurking in the aisles waiting to pounce on me with that judgemental stare? Who is he to judge my guests scarves and where they go? Who is he in the middle of OCTOBER to come out of the woodwork and give me that judgey look of disapproval. If he isn't dressed as a zombie and pretending to be on the Walking Dead then I don't want him around right now. I can't handle him right now. Him and his horrible little helpers who jump out in the cooking aisles and preach about perfectly cooked hams and the tree aisle (yes, there's a tree aisle) to tell me my tree skirt is all wrong for this season and I am failing as a decorator can just go back to the North Pole until it is their turn! People, I just wanted to buy fresh deli sliced ham!
     Then I realized I was being told by Santa that I suck. As a Mom, a Decorator, a Wife, a Consumer, a Woman...
     and I punched him.
I punched Santa.

 I really hope it didn't scar my son and to be fair he laughed at it like everything else that day. I just couldn't take it! Here I was in the aisle turning slowly around with all these advertisements bombarding me and Santa just staring at me and I snapped. I'm sorry Santa, I really do love you. During December where you belong. Not here though and not now. I get told everyday through magazines and billboards and facebook how I can be better as a... fill in the blank...but I don't want to be told that by you. 
Maybe my reaction wasn't the best. In fact picking on pint sized plastic well dressed Santa's with great boots is not highly recommended. Punching things is not either. Shopping so soon after recovering from being sick is no longer either...which I only was doing to fulfill the role everyone has written for us moms. Things crash and burn when we get sick and we race around to play catch up too often too soon. Instead of asking for help and getting it, we give in to the judgements and overdo it and end up punching Santa. I know over commercialization will not end with the holidays and I will never be able to keep up or tune it out completely. I am learning to laugh at it. I am learning to go with the commercialized couponing flow and I am learning what is important to our family. I'm slowly learning to tune out the media and tune into me and my awesome family. The very same ones who eat the deli sliced ham even when its the wrong one and laugh at me when I go off on a plastic toy for being detrimentally judgemental. Hopefully somewhere in the chaos of these upcoming seasons you can come to some peace about it to. If not, there's three other Santa's in the BX who could use a good 'ol West Side Story "Dance off" if you know what I mean. ;)

 Best Wishes, 
Jules & Monkey

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