I should have been named Lucy...

So as always, something I posted made a scene and I've been told in the words of my Nonnie's and I's favorite show hunk, Ricardo, "you've got some splainin' to do"...although it was by some really good friends who actually thought the whole story would be beneficial in the long run so per their advice I'm going to do what I don't normally do. I'm going to actually explain where I was coming from with my last post, RSVP 

I had several people call me or approach me even at church with smiles and concern just wanting to make sure that I wasn't referencing them. I was blessed to have the chance to explain to them already I was talking about a business man who had just sent my blood boiling that day but in order for the whole picture to be seen we're going to back up a month. Ten amazing vendors and I spent hours putting together a craft show that involved a lot of money to take care of enough food to feed 40 people (per the rsvp of 30 plus the 10 vendors), the decorations for eight tables, and the gift baskets that were donated by the vendors for our raffle. This was all done voluntarily by spouses who wanted to do something nice for other spouses. We had 30, count 'em 30, RSVP's that said yes we will be there. 6 showed up. SIX! Some of the vendors were upset. I was upset. My husband was upset because he helped pay for the people who never showed...When I finally got home that night after two amazing spouses I had just met helped me with so much I sat down and just talked with my husband. One of those eye opening, dot connecting conversations that happen when you're just worn down in life. That's when I realized how I felt about our generation and RSVP practices. We don't treat appointments this way I thought. Just each other. Just parties and play dates and Facebook related events...

So I sat down and vented about it. Because that is what my blog is for. To vent my opinion. In my safe zone.

Fast forward a month when life has gotten crazy and I have three posts sitting there untouched just waiting to be finalized and posted...because in order to post I have to move something else off my calendar and that isn't easy during the holidays. Normally I write Holiday posts during the summer so all I have to do is hit post. 

That's my dirty little secret of the week. I, like so many other bloggers, cheat!

All of a sudden though, I found myself with time. Time that normally I would spend with my son. This day though I had a fire lit under me because of a phrase said by a professional at a reputable college.

A phrase that had fire because of two weeks of work that went under because of one little person. You see two weeks earlier I decided to pick up a dream that I had set aside when I got married. I decided to finish my degree. Except I spent two weeks having to prove who I am as a person vs an appendage because the government thinks that as a married woman I am nothing more than a surname. Want to go to school under your married name? Fine. Have your husband sign this form. Orrrr....fill out this packet of info. Changed your SS info to reflect your marriage status? here's a packet of info! Want you transcripts sent over? Fill this out! Taxes for Financial Aid? Packet. I spent weeks printing, filing, scanning, emailing, calling, loopholing, proving to everyone that I'm a real person who can stand on my own and not as an adjective to someone else, ie: Airman's Wife or Monkey's Mama. It was degrading and frustrating and then when we're down to the wire after dealing with transcripts and 5 different schools and so many people I lost count it came down to one crucial appointment over the phone with a Financial Aid Manager. 8:30am Friday morning. School started on Monday bear in mind...but you know 8:30 came...and went. So did 8:45, 8:50, 8:55...9:00 hit and I called them. Thirty minutes later I was finally put in touch with the right person. THIRTY MINUTES! I was told my number had been transposed. Instead of the guy saying "hey, this girl has been successfully contacted for 2 weeks now so something must be wrong", He just went about his day. When I finally was about to be transferred to him they told me he would just call me back later because he was about to do something else. Welllllll, that didn't work for me. Appointments are appointments for a reason. I had planned my day to accommodate him. Cleaned my house, cooked lunch, prepped for a playdate that didn't happen, all so I could give him my undivided attention. When I told the CSR that He needed to speak with me then this is the response I got. "It says in your chart...   

You're a SAHM. It's not like you have anything else to do today".

I about pulled the poor kid through the phone line and ripped him three new holes to operate with.

RSVP issues suddenly aren't in Facebook land. It's in our professional world. Appointments mean nothing. Our time means nothing. My time as a mother was severely disrespected yet again by a man in a suit who thinks I'm sitting on my laurels eating chocolate watching soaps...when in reality I am now plotting how to pull his butt through a phone to beat it for the sheer impertinence of his statement. 

*LiGhTbUlB* RSVP Post! I already have it ready...tippity tap tap...finalize it in anger at this stupid stupid man and then on with my day I went...until shit hit the ceiling.

Suddenly I have someone mad because it must have been directed at them. I have someone else messaging me because they wanted to check it wasn't at them. Others are still coming out of the woodwork asking me about it from all over the U.S. and while some are really sweet about it others are not. It's just like every other post. I'm used to the dialogue at this point. Someone tells me to "see it from the other point of view" and inevitably brings my kid into the mix and my husband and I end up laughing in the kitchen over it. I tell him what's said and inevitably he asks "Has anyone asked you what was going on behind the scenes with you?" and my answer always has to be "No". No one has actually asked me what my family is dealing with. I am an open book. I will tell you what we deal with if asked but I find that most people genuinely don't care enough to ask. And the ones that have are never the ones that get upset over my blog. 

And my kid...my crazy amazing kid who has beat odds that most people don't even know about...In the last month he finally tested at the low end of the acceptable normal hearing levels. For the first time since he was 6 months old. He's got more testing to go through for other things and various doctors are thinking he might be borderline spectrum so when people throw my kid in the mix my husband and I laugh at that too. Inevitably my husband asks "so having one kid makes your emotions moot?" and I always have to say "apparently so". It is so stupid to us for two reasons actually. One, Having one kid doesn't make our feelings matter less or us understand less. In fact, little known fact about me, I have 4 years as a live in/ full time nanny under my belt. Those moms we make fun of...the SAHM who don't stay at home because they're too busy working out, shopping, or brunching...yea. I was that nanny. The one who from sun-up to sun-down was mom. With 4+ kids. Cooking, cleaning, shopping with multiples is nothing to me because I was doing it at 19. 19 people! It takes planning and a schedule and it blows but it was a choice. That I made and loved actually. We have made a choice for medical reasons to have one kid at this time, against what we actually wanted to do when we got married, so throwing that at us isn't ok anymore than using your kids as an excuse for always being late is. Get up earlier. You chose to have multiples. I have friends and family who have 5+ kids and they're always early. It's not only possible it's just as required as anyone with just one kid. We don't get an excuse and neither do any parents with more than one. And gender doesn't matter either. I'm so tired of hearing this. There is good and bad for both genders so when people tell me it's easier to deal with my boy it makes me want to punch something. I have a son who doesn't mentally comprehend on some days how to put a shirt on. other days he's fine. His comprehension is hit and miss so I get to get up early regardless because we never know what type of day we're going to have.

Every parent's day is determined by their child's mentality and comprehension not their age and gender.

And that doesn't even begin to cover the rest of the stress going on...Because that's part of why I posted what I posted. I am so stressed with Permanent Leave starting on the 18th, the temporary apartment hunting, the permanent house hunting, the packing for the move, the VA loan, the two job hunts happening simultaneously, the school research for me and Monkey which impacts the house hunting and job hunting in so many ways it's comical, the Dr. switching for all three of us...and doing all of this blindly because that's the way we do things in the Military. Better yet with all of our support multiple states away. I am beyond stressed. So stressed that to have someone tell me that all the work I do as a SAHM doesn't actually happen apparently, threw me over the edge. Instead of playing nice and blowing it off, I posted about it.

So yes...There is always something happening behind the scenes in peoples lives. No, I was not lying about the last post when I said it was a generational issue that needed to be fixed across the board. Yes, it had been written ages before it was posted. No, to all the lovely people who came to me graciously and asked me...it was not about you. It was about that idiotic professional at school if it's about anyone. 

The best part about all of this is that it worked as this weird sort of weeder for my life. In one fell swoop I found out who would forget everything they knew about me and focus only on the bad vs those that would give me the benefit of the doubt. Those that would jump on an invisible bandwagon and choose sides without ever stopping to find out the truth vs those that would pause and realise that while I am a lot of things, subtle has never been one of them. I found out that in the midst of this crazy busy and incredibly stressful time that is threatening to drown out my family who I can really count on, and for that I am grateful. I had prayed for help in paring down our lives and focusing on those that were best for our family and God in His weird way, answered that prayer. He used a genuinely innocent post done in anger towards a faceless man to show me the true feelings of soooo many people around me, both good and bad. With that note I am done. I am done explaining our life and my state of affairs.  You can take it or leave it as you wish. But from here on out I have decided that all laughing with my husband in the kitchen will be over things that are worth remembering. This Season in life is too precious to miss and as stressful as it is, I for one don't want to miss the other amazing ways God will show Himself.

Best Wishes, 

Jules & Hubby

Not Uprooting just Replanting!

 

My Boys are Crazy!!!

   We are moving. Again. I have moved so many times in my life that when I married my Airman moving was not a hangup in my mind, it was another part of our great adventure story. When we had our son, however, moving took a turn for the complicated. To adults, Movers who come in and pack up our stuff and move it onto a truck are lifesavers, grape flavored...to toddlers they are bad men who are disrupting their world and taking their stuff. In order to ease up on the issues that moving can create it takes a little planning and a lot of help. So as the master of lists I sat down and figured out what I needed to do to make this transition as easy on my son as possible. 

   We are moving in town. That in and of itself helps. While we love our current house and the big yard the distance from our stationed base is tough on our family. It cuts us off from our community and has made us feel isolated. So my husband suggested moving into Base Housing. We took a look (and I did some research into the floor plans, community layouts, drama issues, etc) and decided that all pros outweighed the few cons. We also found out that we qualified for a contracted move so my Husband and I don't have to lug the furniture ourselves up all those stairs! Thank goodness! It left us with a few things that needed to be handled that are pretty common across the board for moving.

• My Child's Sanity
• Cleaning
• Food / Opened Products
• Overnight Accommodations
• Animals

So let's tackle these one by one.

My Child's Sanity: 

Awesome Splash Pad with Pixie Pads :)

 I know that it can be traumatizing whether he is there when it is happening or not but when professional movers come in they are loaded down with exacto knives, scissors, and tape guns. My child likes to touch everything. I like to monitor the movers as they care about the number of boxes over the fragile items being at the bottom...(read that as antique american flag under pile of stilettos last time we moved). Balancing those two can be tricky so we decided that having a family member come into town and taking care of Monkey was a better idea. He gets to spend time running around with family and going to fun places all while missing his house being torn apart. He gets to spend the night at a hotel room with them and then in his own room in the new house the next night if all goes according to plan. Changing rooms can be traumatic enough for a three year old. Try to eliminate the soon to be questions and issues by getting ahead of them. Pack a bag of toys up and hide them away till the day of. Pack an overnight bag including their favorite stuffed animal and PJ's. Anything needed for their bedtime routine as well, i.e. sound machines, humidifiers, etc. I know it sounds like a lot but it is about making them feel like they are at home to eliminate the possibility of screwing with their schedules. You will be tired enough, you don't need a toddler who doesn't want to sleep on top of that.

Cleaning:

   Most Yard Sale sites have people who are willing to clean for fairly decent prices. Ask for a Move Out clean. They will deep clean the bathrooms, kitchen, windows, and even the fans and baseboards. Most places have requirements for what needs to be cleaned before they will sign off on your move out. It will affect your deposit as well, so be aware of the cleaning. 

   I also like to have a carpet cleaner come in out of courtesy since we have a kid and animals. Most apartments will offer it but if you rent a house they won't. However it can also affect your deposit so plan wisely. If you have tile or wood Carpet Cleaning places can clean those as well but we use our Kirby personally (best Christmas gift ever from my Hubby). You also can use various cleaning products and do it yourself with a sponge and bucket and save yourself some money. I'm a fan of Seventh Generation everything personally so you could find something in their line to use that will be safe and effective.

Food / Opened Products:

I keep finding him sitting in the fridge
during the summer...like a pregnant chick :)

     No moving company will pack or move opened food or chemical containers. If you are moving out of town you just plan appropriately and  give things away or leave the cleaning and painting supplies behind. When you move in town you pack them in boxes and transport them yourselves. Just double check the lids on everything and throw a tarp or paint cloth down in your car to protect your interior in case anything spills. No reason to buy anything you don't need to so take your food with you. Your cupboards you can clean out ahead of time and take over as you go but your fridge you need to plan ahead for. Box quickly, take it straight over, and unpack right away. No need to waste food because of poor planning and the more food you save, the more money you save (which will come in handy as your wallet is probably hemorrhaging money right now). Don't forget to plan that before your cleaning crew comes in to the old house and after the new house fridge has been wiped down. 

Overnight Accommodations:

   We are using a Military amenity with this move. The Contracted Move is being paid for by the Air Force but the timing sometimes can take awhile. As well, our beds may not always be available to be used. You can ask the movers to save the beds to last but you will still end up with a night or two without a home or a bed so plan accordingly. If you are military, use the hotel on base and save some money. If you aren't take a look in advance at some hotels close to where you are moving and make a reservation for one night on either side of what you think you will need it for. You can always call and change the reservation as needed but better safe than sorry.

Animals:

A Boy and his Dog :)

 

  If you have animals please take them into consideration. If you have animals who are super sensitive (like our cat) board them at a place they know. If you can take their stuff to the new house first and get them set up in a safe area where you can close the door then do that. Just take into consideration that they are family too and they have their own temperaments. You don't want to traumatize them either with this. If they are easy going like our dog, a new bone in the new back yard is all he needs but hey...each animal is different so be considerate.

Military Specific:

•  All On-Base moves possibly qualify for Contracted Moves. Check it out!
• You will need your Pre-lease form for your AF150 form (double check to make sure that is still correct as the military always changes things :D)
• Forest City is in charge of a lot of Privatized Base Housing but all Bases have their own websites with a housing link. Check your base to make sure who is in charge of yours. As well, it will help you research your area, floor plans, community plans, etc. 
• Don't be afraid to request things like your preferred housing layout or community. It never hurts to ask! 
• Once your AF150 is filled out (by the active duty member) you can request a start date for your move. Try to take holidays and weekends into account as they will slow things down, rack up hotel costs, and make things harder on your toddler. A little planning can go a long way so ask a lot of questions and whip out those calendars! 

   Moves are a part of our lives and I never run away from the adventure of them, but I do plan for them. I have a printable list that I use that breaks this entire blog down into easy reminders so I can check them off one by one (it makes me feel accomplished :D). You can print it HERE yourself! I hope your move goes as smooth as possible and just remember, whatever goes wrong just becomes a great story to tell later down the line. 

Best Wishes,

Jules & Monkey

   

An honest look at the Church

   I know this post is going to offend some and stir others and frankly, i'm ok with that. I have been a Christian for years and being raised in a family that believed in helping those who needed it lent a hand to attending various churches. My Dad would work as a Music Minister, my Uncle as the Pastor. It offered up an opportunity for me to see churches in a way that a lot of people don't get to. I saw the behind the scenes versions, the deep dark secret versions, the best of the best, and even the worst of the worst. I learned to watch quietly and got very good at diagnosing the true issues that were the root of all the problems. Funny enough it all came down to two issues normally. My church here is no different. Even with the Pastoral search and committee issues it still comes down to the same two issues. 
   So after three years of taking the remarks and underhanded comments I decided I had had enough. If you can't get someone to listen to you in one way then you try another. This video is that other way. Hopefully you'll watch the whole thing. Hopefully it will help you understand what me and so many others like me deal with on a regular basis.

                                                  An Honest Look at the Church

   So tell me, where does Grace fit into your story? Your church? Your version of Love? Your version of God? 

Best Wishes,

Jules

A look into what our world means...

        I am a military spouse. I have three jobs: support my active duty spouse with everything I have, protect and train my children so they understand they are safe and loved regardless of circumstances, and hold onto my faith and who I am without the support that most women need in life. I know that doesn't sound too different than most women's mantras out there but here's the kicker...We do it without the help most people rely on. So here's the deal, I'll let you in on the inside scoop of how some military wives feel if you promise to use it to understand the ones you know instead of using it against us.
I love my husband, I love what he does, and I support what he does for a living. But like any relationship there are going to be areas we disagree on, things that drive us nuts, and frankly

things that make us wanna scream...but at no point do I have the right to blame his job for any of that. He made a decision to be a soldier but I made a decision to be a soldier's wife when I married him. I didn't just get to marry a great man, I married a lifestyle and a way of thinking. But to be honest, his job dictates everything for us. The way we raise our kids, our priority on family nights, the financial situation, the fact that we are the only people we know who have an extensive will before the age of 30...it all stems from the military. I personally wouldn't change it for anything. Not until you face the idea of losing a family member to deployment do you actually cherish them and their annoying little habits like eating doritos in bed! To throw a military man's job back at him is the ultimate insult. If you are a new wife...Don't do it! If you are the friend of one...Don't plant the seeds! We believe in what we do, what we stand for, and what we fight for. Even when fighting with each other those core beliefs don't change. So I support him with everything I have.
 

Vets Parade 2011

My son is my world. My husband and I decided that family was always first so every night we are there to say goodnight to our son and every morning we are there to wake him up. We have been there for every first, every smile, giggle, Dr's appointment, holiday, family night, you name it just
to make sure that our son understands that even though military life

Halloween 2012: Rogue Pirate and SuperDog!

is uncertain one thing is not: He will always be loved. He will always have us. He will always be able to depend on family. Here's the kicker though. We do it on our own. Our son sees his grandparents if he's lucky twice a year. He's only met a handful of his other relatives more than once and the idea of cousins is so foreign to him right now it would be comical if it wasn't so sad. His best friend is his pitbull puppy and he never goes anywhere without his Monkey blanket. If you are in uniform you are ok in his book but otherwise he steers clear because he doesn't know what to make of you. Seeing relatives isn't a reunion it's an introduction, every time. Pictures of people make sense to him but a 3-D version throws him for a loop. Date nights don't happen because we would miss bedtime and while other parents get the luxury of having grandma and grandpa down the street to help out...military don't. There is no break from our children unless we have friends we trust or a rare event that has babysitting. Our family bond is so strong because of the time together and yet it makes even me wonder if it would be healthier for everyone to have a break now and again. But that takes parents, aunts, uncles, and cousins around pitching in. Our break is when we play tag between parents and don't have to get up every time the kid cries at night because he feels he is missing something cool. 

MiMi and Monkey Thanksgiving 2012

 My son is my world by choice because of our lifestyle and because he deserves a sense of security like every other child out there. But I'm a military spouse. I don't get to be just momma and friend and disciplinarian. I'm also aunt and grandma and cousin because he doesn't have that everyday.
We don't just learn about shapes and colors and numbers each day, we learn everyday about our    relatives and what they like and who they are from their pictures so he understands that at the end of the day he is not some little floating iceberg all by himself in the middle of nowhere. He has a family outside of our unit and he is loved even if it is by people he doesn't remember or even know. The one thing I find that annoys so many of us is the line "you've done so well with your child". I know that civilians feel that is a compliment but to us...it's a reminder that yes, "we" have done well. Without the help that so many others get on such a regular basis. I know when my son is

Grandpa and Monkey 2011

older my husband and I will officially be able to take credit for the amazing young man he turns out to be solely because our son isn't being raised by a village like we would like. He's being raised by us.

My faith is important to me. I go to church to lean into my beliefs and get some encouragement but moving every few years leads to very shallow relationships in a church since you are never there very long. In fact no matter where I am I find myself with very few friends and after awhile the ability and desire to make new ones seems to diminish. I find myself wandering through life with a lot of acquaintances and no real connection to anyone outside my family. I make phone calls to the ones I miss and hope we can squeeze in just enough time to play catch up between the craziness of life and if I am lucky it's enough to tide me over. I fight getting up everyday because I am homesick for a home that probably doesn't exist anymore and I throw myself into things that in the long run don't matter but for now give me something to focus on so I don't have to focus on how lonely I am trapped in a town I barely know with yet another new culture to learn. And the real kicker...I still get judged because I don't fit in with them. But I am a military spouse and my husband and son come first. I don't want my husband to ever think he is the reason I am unhappy so I push my feelings aside and put on a smile. I want my son to have a mom not a anti-depressant pill taking robot so I push down how I feel and I do what is best for my son. That's my job. To do what is best
for my family.

Christmas 2011 Papa and Monkey

For my Boys. So regardless of how I feel I get up in the morning and square off with my day and take it one step at a time with my head held high because I am a Military Spouse. I support a Soldier who defends our freedoms and train an amazing little man to be the best Man he can be and I do it without the help and support that most women have daily. I do it without my mom down the street or my sisters around the block. I do it with only my husband by my side and a few phone calls a month from friends. 

 We are stronger than most. We are tougher than most. We also hurt like you, cry silently, and know how to smile and nod because any noise period would give away our true feelings on a matter. We can pack a house in a day and disappear and yet our biggest fear isn't fading away and no one noticing. It's whether we did alright by our husbands and children. Did we show them enough support and love? Did we hug them enough? Do they feel secure enough? We are our own breed of women but at the end of the day when you try to put yourself in our shoes, and you will, remember just one thing...We do this voluntarily because we believe in this. We don't want your pity, just your prayers. And if you can spare a hug that would be great too because with all we give sometimes we could use a refill :).

          With Much Love,

Jules & My Boys