Thursday, June 2, 2016

Preggo Problems no one talks about...

     I'm moving into Week 34 of our pregnancy and I feel like things are sneaking up on me. Not big things like decorating a nursery or pretending I'm nesting so I can fit in with the cool crowd but little things symptom wise that I was just wholly unprepared for. And then I realized why. No one talks about these crazy side effects of pregnancy! So here it is...a whole list of weird things pregnancy does to you so all my fellow preggo's don't have to feel alone in the craziness.

  1. Cravings aren't always food. I crave everything from sunshine to a certain set of pajama pants. Yes, I still crave Bacon anything and soups...I'm a soup girl with a good grilled cheese, but the other cravings range from "needing" to sit in a certain seat for the awesome air flow that is happening to "needing" that "exact" pillow that happens to be under the happily sleeping husband's head. I feel like Sheldon half the time now...
  2. Drooling in your sleep is proudly worn like a badge of honor. When you wake up in a pile of pillow drool and your husband tells you how much you were snoring you high five him with a big smile. It all means that you slept! Even if for only 2 hours, you slept. There is nothing better than that, because...
  3. Insomnia happens at the weirdest moments. Like at 2:30am when there is nothing but weight loss commercials on T.V.. Which by the way, nothing like being guilt tripped about your food intake and weight while pregnant at three in the morning. Do everyone a favor and invest in a tablet or smart T.V. and get yourself a hulu or netflix account. Might as well binge watch while you can't sleep.
  4. Hormonal crazy isn't always there, even though everyone assumes it is. No matter what you say or do everyone chalks it up to "you're hormonal". So much so that even when you're completely rational and having a legitimate discussion your opinions will be written off. What people don't realize is that we know we're hormonal, mostly because that phrase alone makes us want to King Kong rage at people. So we do our best to check ourselves. If anything we are better suited for discussions at this point in our life. We actually are aware that we do not need (fill in pricey object here) although we still definitely want it.
  5. Energy levels vary day by day, from 5% to maaaaybe 20%. Either way coffee or cookies are needed for survival. It's gaging our energy that becomes tricky. Everyone talks about being tired but they never mention that being tired makes you incapable of thinking clearly. 10% energy level? Normal people think "do I do the laundry or the dishes". I think "do I cook my favorite soup from scratch or pinterest hunt for recipes my family won't eat". And that is ok...till we run out of clothes and get buried naked under pizza boxes and paper plates.
  6. Nesting isn't a real thing for everyone. Some women get it and others like me just clean random things that don't matter like the Guest Room or Garage or all the chocolate and potato chips out of the pantry.
  7. Everyone eats deli meat and drinks coffee. No one admits to it. Seriously, Everyone. Especially if this isn't your first kid. How else do you keep up with the first Monster you're raising if you don't get to have the National Mommy Go-Go Juice?
  8. Memories become a literal thing of the past, as in you no longer have a memory for anything. I'm responsible for remembering everything for everyone in our house...except now I can't remember if I put my keys on their hook or in the fridge. If laundry was switched over or I just threw it back in the basket. If there is a play date I forgot...I apologize. I don't know to who because let's face it, I forgot about the play date in the first place. 
  9. Everything stops fitting. Not because of weight gain but because your bones shift. Your feet get wider, your hips get wider, your boobs live in a land of their own...just find some LulaRoe and roll with the newly expanded addition of yourself. It might go back after the baby. If not...New Clothes! and shoes...don't ever forget the new shoes.
  10. You get superhuman powers like smell or touch. I can smell cat pee everywhere. And sex. I can now smell sex on anyone who didn't shower after. Now take a moment to realize how awkward that makes life when you're sitting in the middle of choir practice at church or hanging out at Chick-Fil-A surrounded by friends and strangers alike. And extreme touch is just as bad! It either hurts or annoys you... or it feels so great that you want to curl up in their lap like a stray cat and beg for them to keep scratching your back. There's really no winning with these new found powers... so I know these are two superpowers I will be glad to get rid of!
  11. There is never a thing as too cold. I normally freeze, like wearing sweatpants or a sweater during the Mississippi. Now I keep it so cold in the house my human heater of a husband is bundling up and swearing our son is going to get pneumonia. Who cares if there are icicles forming on our windows and snow is falling in our Living Room...I feel like I'm on fire!

     I've spent months now feeling like I was going crazy. It's par for the pregnancy course but seriously every woman knows that pregnancy does weird things to our bodies. Talking about them makes it easier to bear. Plus I get a good laugh at the stuff my friends deal with and vice versa. Happy pregnancy trails to you all.

                        Best Wishes,

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